


The Weight of the world

by WhisperInTheSorrow



Series: Ironqrow works [3]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, But Qrow is there for him, James is broken, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Spoilers of Volume 7, We could say it's a happy ending, but i doub it because they have to go to Jaques dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperInTheSorrow/pseuds/WhisperInTheSorrow
Summary: Silence starts to overflow, his cries are inconspicuous, he's reaching his breaking point and no one is there for him, to put him back together.“I meant it when I said it was good to see you again” James had said“I need you more than ever right now” he had meant.And Qrow knew it.
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/James Ironwood
Series: Ironqrow works [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560985
Kudos: 43





	The Weight of the world

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my fic.   
> Hope you like it.   
> And thanks for reading it.

Alone  
Isolated.   
Reaching a breaking point with no one to put him back together, with no one to be there for him.  
He had left Oscar with Winter and Penny few moments ago to isolate himself at his office, telling them that he needed to prepare for that dinner that Jaques was hosting to finally get rid of him, he wasn’t stupid, the Council have been claiming for his head, and they would already have it if it wasn’t for the fact that he hold two sits in the council as General and as the Headmaster of Atlas Academy.   
Maybe it was for the best, maybe if Jacques had his way, he could finally rest.   
No, he couldn’t rest now, not with this scenario in front of him, he still have things to do in case he was disposed and lost all of his power, things to prevent that Winter had to come back with Weiss to that house were his father abused them, making them feel like monsters for leaving their mother with him, things to prevent that no one except for Clover was the new General and Headmaster, things to prevent that the Relic and worst, Fria, ended in bad hands, things to prevent the destruction of Penny, like hell he would allow it. He had a lot of work, he couln’t allow himself to rest, not now. 

He sighed looking at the marvelous sights he had of Atlas from his large window, and pinched his nose, he was so tired, he had been varely sleeping since Beacon’s fall, he couldn’t, knowing that Salem was still out there, alive and with the fall maiden in her power, knowing that he had allowed some rascal to steal his shipps and also hack his soldiers, not knowing if Leo and Theo were alright, not knowing if he would see Glynda and Qrow ever again. 

There were so many things in his head during the day that at night, when he was supposed to be resting, his brain wouldn’t stop working, reminding him of his sins his failures, his mistakes that caused so many deaths.

He was alone. 

Alone with all this war, alone with his thoughts, alone with his PTSD and the visions of that black Queen chess piece in a red screen everytime he looked at his screens, he knew he was afraid, he knew he was become paranoid and that he needed help, but he couldn’t have it for himself, he didn’t have time to take care of himself, also admitting that he needs professional help or any help at all to deal with his PTSD and his nightmares about killer robots and plane crashes make him seem weak in front of the people that looked at him searching for guidance, and also it would implied open himself up to a person he didn’t trust. 

He isolated himself, not trusting anyone fully, not telling his inner circle about with what he was dealing with, they needed a fierce leader, not a broken man, so every day, James Ironwood put his best face and went to work, like everything was fine, like he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Like he wasn’t broken inside.

He wanted to cry, cry because he was afraid, he was afraid of Salem, of knowing that some of her pawns were at Altas, again, unnoticed until it was too late, until they damage more his reputation, until the got rid of Penny, his dearest and innocent Penny, he couldn’t even face Pietro without feeling guilt. They have been friends, they have bonded over Penny’s project, both of them wanting to create a new life, and he had failed him twice, once with the Amity incident, and now with letting the video of Penny spread across all of his kingdom.   
He was a failure as a leader as a friend and as a man. 

He sighed again, finally opening the window to let the icy breeze of Altas enter the room, he closed his eyes and breathe. He didn’t feel alive. He just felt cold. 

He had become a monster for what? He wasn’t even closer to his goal, to defeat Salem, to save everyone, It was his whis, save everyone, not to become a hero but to bring peace across the world and finally rest in peace, watching the world evolve. Ozpin’s sacrifice, Glynda’s, Qrow’s, even his, all the lives that were lost, everything, was it all in vain? He didn’t want that. He couldn’t afford that.   
He just couldn’t. 

And then Nora’s words repeated again in his head, her pleas of not declaring martial law, her pleas for Mantle and its people, he wasn’t strange to their suffering, he knew it very well, and he suffered for that even if he didn’t show it, he wasn’t a heartless man, even if sometimes he wished he was. It would be easier to do all of this if he was. 

He didn’t notice the door open and close behind him, he didn’t even hear the steps that someone took in his direction, but he noticed a pair of arms around his waist and a head resting in his back, between his shoulder blades. He didn’t need to see to know who was it. Only one person would dare to do that. Only one person would be so worried about him that would notice that he was reaching his breaking point. 

-I thought you were with the kids tracing a plan to capture Tyrian.- he said his voice low, as if anyone could hear them. 

-I was, but then Oscar, Penny and Winter came and they told us about this fancy dinner that we have to go, and then Winter told me about what implies. -Qrow said without letting him go. 

-We? 

-Yeah, we, you’re more crazy than I thought if you believed for just a second that I would leave you alone with that man and the council to face. 

-You know Im capable of dealing with them -James said after smile for his words. 

-I know, Jimmy, but still, I’m not letting you go alone, not with all in risk- “I want to be there for you, no matter what” was what Qrow was saying with his words and James felt at verge of tears.- also I wanted to talk with you, I’ve been wanting to since we arrived, I was planning to do so at the night of the elections, but we were….

-Plenty distracted. -offered James breaking the hug to turn around and look at Qrow, both of them blushing at the memories that implied a forced night off (Clover and Winter had being very persistent about it) with kisses and things more adults between them, a night that ended abruptly when James received a call informing him about Jaques victory and the necessity of reinforcements at Mantle to deal with the Gimm. 

-Yeah, we could say so. -admitted Qrow rubbing his neck before sitting in the corner of James desk, while James stand still, with his hands behind his back, knowing what Qrow was about to tell-James, things can’t continue this way. -There it was- what you’re doing to the people of mantle, to yourself, it has to finish now. 

-It would finish once we got the tower finished and launched -he said firmly- and then we could reunite Remnant again and tell people about Salem to fight against her. 

-And meanwhile? You’re pushing people bottoms, Mantle doesn’t deserve this, and you know it, it’s people are suffering, you should talk with Robyn about this, not capture her just to make a deal and garantice that you’re going to receive all of the supplies we need. 

-Im doing what it has to be done -”not you, please” James though while he was saying this “don’t turn your back to me”. -This is necessary for. 

-If you say again that it’s for the greater good, I swear to the Gods I’m gonna hit you.-said Qrow exasperated- The greatest good can’t be put upon the lives we’re trying to protect. There has to be another solution, Jimmy, one that doesn’t cause people to hate you and see you as the monster you have become in their eyes

-You think I’ve not think about it?! Do you think that I want to do this?! -Finally snapped James, he couldn’t take it, he would be fine with everyone seeing him as a monster, everyone but Qrow.- But there is no other way. 

-You could talk to Robyn explain her why do you need those supplies

-You’re telling me to tell her about everything? To trust her?!

-It’s better than bring the Grimm upon Mantle because people hate you and are scared because of you, you heartless tin man! 

It was silent after that, James looked mortified, just like Qrow who seemed to become aware of what he had said to the General. So Qrow saw him as someone heartless. Maybe if he was heartless like had wished since Beacon’s this wouldn’t hurt.

-Jimmy I didn’t….

-You think I want to do all of this? -he said in a low dangerous tone his head low, so Qrow couldn’t see how these words were the final blow for him- you think I enjoy other people suffering? You think I want to impose Martial law? I don’t want that Qrow, I really don’t want that, I don’t want any of this, but I’m doing what it has to be done, yesterday I spent all night up, thinking about a solution that still keeps the secret and doesn’t make me impose martial law because despite what everyone thinks, I don’t enjoy any of this, and making it sound trivial is the only way I have to relieve my mind a bit from all the guilty I have in me. I'm not as heartless as everybody thinks I am, although sometimes I wish I was. 

-James…

-I know everyone hates me, I know people are scared of me, of what I’m doing. I know that your niece and his friends, besides Oscar, doesn’t trust me a bit and they think what I’m doing is horrible, Gods, Miss Valkyrie almost implied that I was as bad as Salem, but what else I can do? What else? While you were out, I was here, struggling with everything, dealing with the consequences of Beacon’s fall, Leo was a freaking traitor, I didn’t know anything about Theo, I still don’t know anything about him, Ozpin was dead and the last time I saw you or Glynda was long ago. I was alone, and I had to deal with all of this alone, with the trial they hold me because of the Vytal Festival’s fiasco, with knowing that someone had access to all my knights and with one move they could turn them against me, I have to deal with my…-he stopped himself right there, still unable to look at Qrow, looking at his hands, while in his head he could hear his pleading to his knights, his “no” before they shoot him, and the plane crashed, seeing the same black Queen piece he had saw then- I have to deal with all of this alone, knowing that I couldn’t trust anyone but me in the end.

Then seeing him like that Qrow remembered a conversation he had with Ozpin long time ago, he had implied that James didn’t have a heart, that he doubted he had one, bitterness and anger had speak for him that time, but Ozpin has reassured him that James had one, a big one and in the right place, he was just misguided. Ozpin has been the one to guide him, the one who told him what to do with all the problems they had on their quest against Salem, James just wanted everyone safe.   
And he was right, he had been alone, in a position where everyone expected him to be fearless, where everyone searched him for answers he wasn’t allowed to give, he had to answer for all those lives that were lost, for the hacker, for what happened to Penny. And he had to do it alone. He had been alone, isolated, for a long time.   
James, Qrow had realized, had built a wall between him and people a facade that covered him, that make him seen unperturbable. But that facade, it had been broken once, with him, with his arrive, when James had hugged him. 

“I meant it when I said it was good to see you again”

That words that had caught him without defense, and the following hugh had meant more than a simple “I missed you”, no James had given it to him when they were alone, when no one except from him could watch how much broken he was. Qrow had been worried for him, because he saw it, he saw how much he needed him, how much he needed someone to trust, to be weak around. James was reaching a breaking point, and he had no one to pick up the pieces and built him again. He had no one until now. 

“I meant it when I said it was good to see you again” James had said

“I need you more than ever right now” he had meant.

And Qrow had heard him, not only because he knew how it was to be hopeless, to feel the world collapsing around you. To have all your hopes shattered. 

-So yes, I’ll become a monster if that means that we can defeat Salem and… -James was cut then. 

Qrow had raised from the table, had crossed the distance that separated them and kissed James making him silence, James arms hugged him by the waist while his own arms were on James shoulders, both enjoying the moment. 

-You’re not alone, not now, James, I’m here and you can trust me. -Said Qrow after breaking the kiss, but not the hug- I’m here for you. 

Five words, five simple words were the final blow to this facade, James put his head in Qrow shoulder, hugging him as if his life depended on it, letting himself go, letting his tears free. And Qrow hold him, even when their legs became weak and they ended up in the floor, Qrow never released him, letting him break so he could put him together again. 

-I still see it -James said- I see my soldiers aiming at me, I see the plane going down with me there trying to regain control of my machines, while I fight them with no time because the plane is going to crash and I’m going to die, I see her mark in my systems, her black Queen chess piece in a background of red, telling me that she was there, that I was useless. -he confessed, and Qrow hugged him tightly, understanding now, understanding that this fear was more than he had already thought- I dont want to do all of this to the people in Mantle, but I don’t know what else I can do, and I can’t tell this to anyone, because now that they know about Salem, about this enemy that is stronger than anyone else, they need me to be the pillar that sustains the kingdom and their people, they need a strong leader, I can’t be weak. But, I’m scared Qrow, I’m scared that in the end this is for nothing, that I gained all people hate for nothing. That all of this was for nothing. 

Qrow bit his lips, knowing that he couldn’t tell anything about what they have learnt from Jin, about how Salem couldn’t be destroyed, knowing that not tell about that was Ruby’s choice, and he had to support her. It would destroy James, just as it had destroyed him, both of them had sacrificed a lot for this cause, friends, camarades, years of life, their relationship. They have been a thing before all of this, but in the end, the pressure had taken the worst of them, bad words were shared, communications ended and resentments took the place of the happy feelings they had for each other. And in the end, it was for nothing. Qrow wanted to cry at the thought of all the time they had wasted because of this. 

-You can be weak with me, James, you can stop being the General with me when we’re alone -Qrow said instead- you can be my Jimmy here, where no one can see us. 

Then and just then, Ironwood looked at Branwen in the eyes, seeing his concern, his worries about him, he had seen it before, while he was giving orders, everyone were looking at him differently, Clover, Winter and Ren with determination, Ryby and Nora with sadness and Qrow with worry, he was worried about him. James lifted one of his hands, while they were kneeling behind the desk, with the window still open, where no one could see them, and cuppied Qrow’s face with it, gently, as if he was afraid of hurting him, Qrow knew he was, he always has been. 

-My lucky bird -he said, and Qrow blushed like everytime he referred to him as that. He had to admit that at the beginning of their serious relationship, he had hated that nickname because of his semblance but James explained to him that he was his lucky bird because with him he felt like the luckiest man in the world, misfortune and everything.- Thank you. 

They spent the night there, behind the desk, with Qrow sitting against the wall and James resting his head on his lap, talking about everything, and about nothing. And when the next day came and they have to go to confront Jaques and the Council, they went together, taking care of the kids that were nervous about all of this.   
Before the door of Schnes’s mansion the whole group waited, Weiss was with her team and team JNR, that didn’t want to leave her alone, Oscar was standing next to Winter who was refraining herself for walk from side to side of the courtyard, as she always did when she was anxious, and she was.

James and Qrow closed the group, standing next to each other, when the doors opened, Qrow reached for James hand and squeezed it. 

-Im here with you. 

-I know.   
And he knew that he could face whatever it happened during that dinner, he had Qrow with him, he wasn’t alone anymore.


End file.
